When an affair occurs, conversations can be explosive and turn into blaming sessions. How can a couple survive and move forward from this crisis?
Couples can certainly recover and positively transform their relationship after an affair. Initially, the hurt partner may have a period that is very emotional. During that period, conversations tend to center on the anger and pain that comes from the betrayal. It is also common for the hurt partner to seek details about the affair. These conversations are usually detrimental and lead to further hurt.
Consider doing couple therapy to assist you with exploring both spouses' perspectives and needs. It will assist in rebuilding safety and allow for honest and respectful conversations to occur.
However, if you want to discuss the affair, try these questions instead of fishing for more hurtful details:
1. What did the affair mean to you? What did you get out of it?
2. Were you looking to have an affair or did it just happen?
3. Did you feel entitled or guilty?
4. Did you discover new things about yourself or recovered lost ones in that relationship?
5. Were you hoping the affair would help you stay in our relationship or help you leave it?
6. What do you value about our relationship?
7. How can we make our relationship better for both of us?
Manon Dulude PhD, RP assists couples in recovering from affairs. She can be reached at 905-873-9393.