Many people believe that in order to heal they need to forgive. This is not necessarily the case. Not everything can be fixed and forgiven. There is a current idea that forgiveness is some kind of healing balm for the person who forgives.
Even when the offending party acknowledges their transgression, it may still not feel right to forgive. The hurt may just be too deep. However, the opposite of forgiveness - holding a grudge - may not be the solution either. Holding a grudge is like "swallowing poison and hoping the other person will die". Resentment and holding a grudge is your poison and will only torment you and nobody else.
People often struggle with moving on and find themselves stuck with hurt and anger at the person who committed the transgression. I invite you to consider that even if someone does not feel able to forgive, they will benefit from finding a way to" let it go" in order to move on. Yes you can "let it go" without forgiving.
The decision to let go is for your own benefit, not for the other party, since it is you who holds the pain and emotional charge. Hanging on to the anger perpetuates the tormenting thoughts and feelings. Letting go does not mean you forget, it means you know it happened but choose to no longer invest any emotional energy into the issue.
Relationships are complex and often require that we let go if we are to find a way to carry on. If you find yourself in a situation where you are at an impasse and struggle with forgiveness vs. letting go, seeking the help of a therapist may assist you through the process.
To learn more about letting go, contact Manon Dulude, Registered Psychotherapist at firstname.lastname@example.org
or call 905-873-9393